"Life is both...

...pain and joy; to fully live I must

embrace both."

This is today's subject from The Path Beyond the Gate by Ann Smith.

This one I relate to so well.  I didn't say it was easy for me.  Au contrare! 

In my life, I have been one who shuts down emotionally in a futile attempt to avoid pain, only to realize after many years that I was pretty much "dead."  Blocking out pain not only blocked out the joy in my life, but it also blocked out my ability to dream; to know what I wanted; to love; to feel much of anything.  Oh, for sure, I was a good actress; I played the part of daughter, mother, grandmother, sister, friend...  to the point that even I was convinced that I was okay. 

It took an emotional miracle for me to return to life.  God healed me when he brought Don into my life a little over three years ago.  When Don began to "pursue" me, I argued with him; I argued with God.  I didn't think I wanted any kind of a relationship with a man, but God had a plan for Don and me and I knew in my heart it was God's plan for me to be with Don as his wife.  So, I asked told God He would have to heal me, emotionally, before I could be for Don what he needed.  The rest is history.

I opened myself up again to pain, joy, love, emotions and my life since that moment has been such a blessing.  Oh, it was a flood gate at first, and not void of pain, but I understand what Ann Smith means when she said,

"Life is sometimes painful, sometimes joyful, but the One who journeys with us uses all of it to benefit our becoming process."

[In most of the pictures I took of Ann Smith's book, I was able to crop the date from the picture, as I had forgotten to turn off that feature.  Except on this page, to crop the date would also crop the last line. The event in my life that caused the most pain in my life was the suicide of my late husband.  His birthday is December 23.  With God's help, I have been able to embrace that pain and God is using it in my becoming process.]